The Most Important Six Inches
How to Take Control
General James Mattis (US Secretary of Defense, 2017–19) once told me the most important part of any battle comes down to six inches. No - not precision targeting. Rather, the six inches between combatants' ears. How they think.
“Mentality matters more than anything”
This is certainly true if you are in the battle with substance abuse or addictions.
Yeah, well, fine, you may say, but what does that have to do with me? I’m not a soldier - nor an addict. I’ll stop reading here because I’m not really interested in where this is going. Battles are not my thing.
Hang on - don’t bail. Not yet. There’s a pony in here. I promise.
What if our context is journey instead of battle? We are all on a journey. Moving towards our best selves is not easy or obvious. Sometimes progressing in the right direction is like a battle. Let’s start with that in mind.
Now look around. How far can you see?
Sadly, this is where many people get taken captive right from the get-go. Crazy thing is, they needlessly imprison themselves. Captured in the confines of their own limited mentality. They can’t see outside their own familiar worldview.
Let’s expose some common ways we trap ourselves - and, most importantly, look for keys to break free.
Self-Awareness
You can’t read the label from inside the can. You can’t see the outside from the inside. Living without self-awareness is like taking yourself prisoner. Like living inside the can.
Life gets so much richer as we get outside ourselves. As we become self-aware and able to be more deliberate about how we think and interact with the world around us.
You look in the mirror, but can you see past the reflection? Past the surface? Better yet - do you want to? Can you handle it?
I’m asking real questions here. Hit delete to say no.
For the rest of you, let’s keep going. Let’s move forward, accepting the challenge to be appropriately self-aware. I say appropriate because it is possible to go too far and fall into the traps of people-pleasing, insecurity, and second-guessing. Aim for the middle ground of healthy, constructive self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a tool for growth. Seeing ourselves through the eyes of others reveals blind spots. If you only operate within the perspectives you’re already comfortable with, how do you expect to evolve?
Techniques to Improve Self-Awareness
Reflect after interactions. Get quiet and play back the tape. Look at it as an observer. What do you see? Reflecting back is self-awareness. You got this!
Ask a friend or loved one for feedback. Resist being defensive or justifying your behavior. If you are fortunate enough to get feedback, be grateful and soak it in.
Poke fun at yourself. For example, “Here I go again… making a mess of things.” Have fun with your imperfections.
Deep breathing. I know, this one gets an eye roll every time, but I’m telling you - it really works. It works like a reset switch for the mind. Breathe deep and slow. Do it again.
Pause. Just stop and recenter. It is never the wrong thing.
As we open ourselves to perspectives outside the can, life changes. We begin growing into a larger version of ourselves. We are better equipped to regulate how we think and act. We grow. We make progress towards our best selves.
“It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a person of wisdom.”
Axis of Need
We all have needs, and there is nothing wrong with working to satisfy them. It would be silly not to. Up to a point.
People struggling with substance abuse or addiction can become slaves to meeting their need for more dopamine.
Selfish loops of meeting our own needs can be a way of life for any of us.
For example, needing to be right. Or needing to be liked, respected, or thought well of. Too much energy expended to meet needs like these makes life smaller. Less joyous. Exhausting - because the pursuit is never over.
Here are some simple, powerful approaches to not be so needy:
Be thankful. Gratitude doesn’t leave space for being needy.
Serve others. Your needs fade in the glow of meeting needs of others.
Find security in your identity as a beloved child of God. Life gets so much easier. So much better. Your primordial need for unconditional love is met.
Mental Muscle Memory
Thought patterns can be like a dog in a fenced yard. Around and around, wearing ruts along the perimeter. Lots of laps, but not going anywhere.
We are not dogs. There is no fence. For heaven’s sake, don’t live that way.
See my post Skate Left for more on turning weaknesses into strengths.
Approaches to Reprogramming Thought Patterns
It’s pretty simple - think about different stuff.
Don’t be offended. It really is that simple. Since you get to pick, select healthy, personal growth things to think about.
You’ll have to pick for yourself.
For me, my mental thought loop is full of obvious classics. Thoughts such as: gratitude, what it means to live as a Christ follower, endless project plans, fitness, reading, relationships, travel, learning as recreation - and recently, writing.
Any thought pattern repeated enough becomes the default mentality. Mental muscle memorykeeps it going, you can release to autopilot.
Echo Chamber
Surrounding ourselves with messaging that affirms our own sensibilities is natural. We want (need) affirmation. So we don’t take much risk. We go along with our peer group.
Without even realizing it, we go along with narratives provided by unseen elites. We accept fellow followers of the same narrative, and they accept us - which is handy because we all want to be accepted.
It is comforting to hear opinions we already agree with. But that’s exactly the problem.
If we shut ourselves off from perspectives that challenge our thinking, we risk stalling short of our best selves. One of the most powerful ways to grow is by deliberately stepping into discomfort.
“If a day goes by that doesn’t change some of your old notions for new ones, that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow.”
The big problem everyone misses here is that you can fail to think for yourself. This is how some ridiculous ideas become popular.
Life in an echo chamber is very small - and sometimes embarrassing.
Intellectual Integrity
Some filtering is necessary. There is just too much to take in.
“Consider the source” is an approach that says before evaluating new information, assess its credibility, source, and biases.
"Consider the source" can mean ignoring what’s being said because you don’t like who’s saying it or what you expect they may say - or what you thought they said previously. This mentality can be totally boneheaded. It can lead to skepticism taken too far - to blind spots and avoidable ignorance.
Take, for example, early resistance to the sun-centered model of the solar system. Nicolaus Copernicus and Galileo Galilei challenged long-held beliefs and were dismissed outright by many. Their ideas weren’t debated on their merits but rejected because they were filtered as unreliable sources. This sort of dufus mentality is still prevalent today. Please, oh please don’t be like that.
Here is what most people miss: they are guilty. Often plain lazy. Just look at today’s polarized political climate - people embracing only information that aligns with their existing beliefs while dismissing anything that challenges them.
Valid ideas can come from anywhere.
Even people or organizations you don’t align with may offer valuable insights. Why shut off more information?
Perhaps suspend judgment until you have an array of data points sufficient to inform your own understanding. Why outsource your thinking to third parties - especially ones that may be pushing a flawed narrative?
Consider climate change, for example. Dismissing information based on its source or contrarian viewpoint has led to horribly expensive misallocation of resources and priorities.
The world is beginning to recognize the costs and limitations of a rapid, mandated transition to expensive, intermittent renewable energy. Trade-offs were evident from the start - just not to those who chose to “consider the source” or remain “in the can.”
Seeking knowledge isn’t a matter of liberal vs. conservative - it’s about intellectual integrity.
Two competing ideas can both hold merit. The beauty of suspending judgment is that it creates space for different perspectives to breathe - and more reasoned solutions to emerge.
Blindly maintaining one's own narrow perspective limits access to new knowledge and stunts intellectual growth. Available information constantly changes, requiring our understanding to do the same.
Approach new ideas with curiosity instead of dismissing it outright based on preconceived judgment. Be curious. Suspend judgment. Be a learner. Seek understanding more than agreement.
The more data points we consider, the better chance we have of moving toward true understanding.
See my post, Brainfood: A Big Idea Worth Exploring for more about this.
Key Takeaway
Life is a mind game. How we think drives the depth and quality of our lives.
We have an opportunity to evolve - and own - our mentality.
As General Mattis would say, valor in the battle of six inches can win you a world of positive possibilities.
With love and support,
Craig
Craig A. Williamson
Lessons from Addiction
lessonsfromaddiction.com
📖 Read my book, Regarding Substance Abuse & Addiction, where I share real-world insights from firsthand experience - losing my only son to addiction.
